Less Naked More Better

Have you heard of Rabbi Shmuley? Kosher Sutra? I have not read his books but I have seen Rabbi Shmuley on The Today Show a few times and he intrigues me. This week I heard him talk about how women should remain mysterious for their husbands.

Read what his response is to the following question, taken from his website http://bit.ly/AArhO:
If women are such sexual beings, why are so many marriages lacking in sex?
Because too many husbands kill off their wives’ libidos by failing to focus on them, and too many wives allow their sexuality to atrophy by treating themselves as ordinary. Take the number of wives who will go to the bathroom in front of their husbands, or parade around the bedroom naked. After a while, their bodies lose their erotic magnetism. Couples dare not grow too familiar with each other. There has to be something off-limits, something forbidden, in order for it to remain erotic.

Now, there are several things that struck me here, the first being that wives treat themselves as ordinary and the second about parading around naked.

How do I treat myself as ordinary? By not enjoying my femininity. I have scoffed at those who take so much time doing their hair and prided myself in getting ready quickly, using minimal product, sporting a ponytail every day. I'm all for the natural, easy, not taking yourself so seriously look. How exciting is that? How about the jeans and t-shirt combos I tend to live in for comfort and practibility?

Do I parade around naked in the bedroom? Well, I wouldn't say parade, but...naked yes. Before I got married, I asked one of my married friends if she had any advice. She said, I wish I would have walked around naked more before I had kids because the body is never the same. I took that to heart!

After listening to the rabbi's interview, I dug through my drawers to find some long forgotten lingerie and wore it around the house. Without going into detail, can I just say "Wow"! First of all, I liked that I felt beautiful, sexy and mesmerizing. Secondly, I loved the animal it brought out in my husband.

Choices? I guess you could say deciding to wear more lingerie is a choice I will try to keep on making. The other choice that I made and have been doing well at keeping is trying to treat myself as more than ordinary. Don't get me wrong, I am not about to walk around looking like a southern belle all the time. But using some hair product and spending a few more minutes on getting ready in the morning is something I can do. Even on ordinary days, a coat of mascara and a dash of lip gloss make you feel good . Perhaps the Rabbi is right and if you treat yourself as more desirable, your husband will too.

My Love Language

In The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman the following emotional languages are described as being as different as English and Chinese. The goal is to learn which language you speak and the language your spouse speaks so that you can communicate love to your loved one in their own language so they understand that you love them.

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

I read Chapman's book years before I started dating my husband and I thought I had pinpointed my love language(s). Yes, I was a bit of a polyglot. Let's see, if memory serves me right I felt like I communicated love to others by speaking the language of Words of Affirmation and Quality Time and sometimes I spoke a little Physical Touch. I understood love when it was communicated to me in the language of Quality Time, Physical Touch and sometimes Words of Affirmation. Had it all figured out and then I got married...

Everyday I speak a different language and some days I understand no language. How confusing is that? The one language that is pretty constant is Quality Time. My husband and I both have that language in common. Quality Time for us doesn't have to be complicated. Simply being together suits us fine. Reading our respective books, watching a movie or show, driving along a country road, no words are needed most of the time. Physical Touch? We speak it at different times. Then we speak it together. I love it when I speak it but if it's one of those days when I don't speak it, I resent it. Not fair, I know.

So what does this have to do with choices? My gut tells me my choice should be to speak as many languages as possible every single day. My humanity lets me know that it is probably impossible to do so. So, my actual choice is to be more aware of the language that my husband is speaking and strive to understand it and speak it back. Bottom line is that I love him. He annoys me but I love him. He frustrates me but I love him. He angers me but I love him. He makes me cry, he makes me laugh. He loves me even when I annoy, frustrate and anger him. We may not communicate it all the time but me mangage to make up for it when we do.

The Devil Wears Prada. Trailer

A little taste for those of you who haven't seen the movie. A little reminder for those of you who have.

Choice Two

So, choice one was semi-successful. Grocery shopping was done, but the list I made for the menu I planned was forgotten at home. If I was paid for every time I forgot something I would be incredibly rich. I managed to remember most of the ingredients I needed and brought home some delicious and healthy food for my refrigerator and pantry.

Choice Two

After rewatching The Devil Wears Prada, I felt the same feelings as I felt the first time I saw it. Jealous and inspired at the same time. When Anne Hathaways character gets her makeover and starts dressing in those fantastic clothes...WOW!

There have been a few times in my life when I stepped out the door of my house knowing that I looked fantastic. The other times happen way too often. You know the feeling when you are getting ready for work in the morning and half of your closet ends up thrown around your room. You try on one thing after another and nothing feels right. Either it doesn't go with the weather or you don't have the right shoes. Maybe it's just your hair that won't go and you walk out the door not ready to take on the day, let alone the world. I hate those days, and yet I do nothing to guarantee they won't happen.

My shopping has never been a well thought out plan, I shop for bargains and occasions. I shop out of desperation. I drag my husband along with me because I would never subject my friends to my groans of frustration and aimless hours of wandering through clearance racks and dressing rooms. My husband is patient and loving, but he hates these shopping trips.

So when I see Andy Sachs being dressed FOR FREE in gorgeously coordinated designer outfits, I am jealous. When I see her walking confidently down the street in her Chanel boots, I am inspired. The problem is Patricia Fields dressed her. I do not have a Patricia Fields in my life. The other problem is that the budget of $100,000 for clothing in the movie was supplemented by connections in the industry bringing the total value of clothing in the movie to $1 million. I have neither the budget nor the friends in the industry. What's a girl to do?

So here we come to choice two. Splurge on a good haircut. There is nothing like feeling confident about your hair. You can have a great outfit ruined by bad hair but great hair can make the outfit. This Friday, I visited Patrick Danek for choice two. Not only does he work magic with his scissors, he lays out what product you should use and how you should style your hair for every day and otherwise--LOVE him! I left his salon smiling, confident and ready to take on the day and the world!

The wardrobe situation will be handled later. For now, I will do good to make sure the options that I do have are clean and maybe laid-out the night before.

Choice One

If we could create our reality by speaking or thinking it into existence, I would not be where I am today. Instead of living in a small apartment, I would own my own home. Two homes actually. Instead of hauling my dirty laundry to an equally dirty laundromat, I would have a gorgeous laundry room with a huge folding table and a front loading, eco-friendly washer and dryer. Oh yes, where I would be if my vision board equalled my present state of living! I could go on down the list of what I should have if the powers of attraction were true. Things that money can buy and things that it can't.

So where am I right now? Happily married. Check! Some fanastic friends. Check! My health. Check! There are days when I would claim more but these are consistent.

Considering the fact that I am a spiritual person, I try to understand and follow the scriptures. Right now I am having a problem with Philippians 4:11-13. Paul told the Philippians that he learned to be content no matter what...(11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.) I read this and I think 'Sure, I can be content with my station in life. I can know that I am able to handle anything that comes my way. But what I really want to know is how long is this shitty stage going to last?' Oh, I know, I sound like a whining, spoiled bitch! Believe me, I feel like one. Obviously there are people all over who have it worse than I do. Every so often though, I fall into the pit of despair and allow myself to wallow a bit.

I wish I could be a real girly-girl and sit and cry while I wallow, but I'm not a crier. Instead I get sarcastic and short-tempered. My husband thinks its funny when I get this way. That makes me more annoyed.

OK, enough of this...as I sit here typing this a massive thunder and lightening storm has started up outside. Rain is pouring down and in that last paragraph the sun started shining brightly through the rain. How corny, but I'm not making this up. How's that for a Secret? Bitch about your life and get angry and maybe with a magic ray of sunlight through the storm, God will remind you that He is much bigger than you and your situation. Or maybe God's not saying anything. Maybe it's just a passing storm. Maybe nature is a mirror image of life. Weird things happen. We can't control the rain or the sun and we have to ride out the storm.
What can I control? My choices. So choice one...

Make a good menu for the following week! Good food always puts people in a better mood and I for one am tired of being in bad mood. Tired of the talk about this terrible economy. Tired of feeling sorry for myself. Tired of sitting at home watching TV because it gets my mind off of myself and lets me live vicariously through The Bachelorette!

Speaking of The Bachelorette...the finale is tomorrow night and I have to admit I am excited and anxious about that. Why? Because she should choose Reid (if he comes back) and I'm scared she won't. Not that it matters, if history is any indicator whoever she chooses it probably won't last. You see? Easily wrapped up in reality TV. Bad, bad bad! OK, so maybe I will DVR the show and go out with my friends instead. Choice number two? Maybe. I'll let you know tomorrow.

I guess what I am trying to do is motivate myself to live on purpose. I always talk about what kind of a parent I will be when I eventually have children and how that people should choose to parent on purpose everyday. It's time to live on purpose for me and my husband. Time to stop wallowing and waiting for my dreams to materialize before my very eyes. Time to run like hell towards a goal. What goal? Sheesh...you got me but I'll think of something!