Choice One

If we could create our reality by speaking or thinking it into existence, I would not be where I am today. Instead of living in a small apartment, I would own my own home. Two homes actually. Instead of hauling my dirty laundry to an equally dirty laundromat, I would have a gorgeous laundry room with a huge folding table and a front loading, eco-friendly washer and dryer. Oh yes, where I would be if my vision board equalled my present state of living! I could go on down the list of what I should have if the powers of attraction were true. Things that money can buy and things that it can't.

So where am I right now? Happily married. Check! Some fanastic friends. Check! My health. Check! There are days when I would claim more but these are consistent.

Considering the fact that I am a spiritual person, I try to understand and follow the scriptures. Right now I am having a problem with Philippians 4:11-13. Paul told the Philippians that he learned to be content no matter what...(11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.) I read this and I think 'Sure, I can be content with my station in life. I can know that I am able to handle anything that comes my way. But what I really want to know is how long is this shitty stage going to last?' Oh, I know, I sound like a whining, spoiled bitch! Believe me, I feel like one. Obviously there are people all over who have it worse than I do. Every so often though, I fall into the pit of despair and allow myself to wallow a bit.

I wish I could be a real girly-girl and sit and cry while I wallow, but I'm not a crier. Instead I get sarcastic and short-tempered. My husband thinks its funny when I get this way. That makes me more annoyed.

OK, enough of this...as I sit here typing this a massive thunder and lightening storm has started up outside. Rain is pouring down and in that last paragraph the sun started shining brightly through the rain. How corny, but I'm not making this up. How's that for a Secret? Bitch about your life and get angry and maybe with a magic ray of sunlight through the storm, God will remind you that He is much bigger than you and your situation. Or maybe God's not saying anything. Maybe it's just a passing storm. Maybe nature is a mirror image of life. Weird things happen. We can't control the rain or the sun and we have to ride out the storm.
What can I control? My choices. So choice one...

Make a good menu for the following week! Good food always puts people in a better mood and I for one am tired of being in bad mood. Tired of the talk about this terrible economy. Tired of feeling sorry for myself. Tired of sitting at home watching TV because it gets my mind off of myself and lets me live vicariously through The Bachelorette!

Speaking of The Bachelorette...the finale is tomorrow night and I have to admit I am excited and anxious about that. Why? Because she should choose Reid (if he comes back) and I'm scared she won't. Not that it matters, if history is any indicator whoever she chooses it probably won't last. You see? Easily wrapped up in reality TV. Bad, bad bad! OK, so maybe I will DVR the show and go out with my friends instead. Choice number two? Maybe. I'll let you know tomorrow.

I guess what I am trying to do is motivate myself to live on purpose. I always talk about what kind of a parent I will be when I eventually have children and how that people should choose to parent on purpose everyday. It's time to live on purpose for me and my husband. Time to stop wallowing and waiting for my dreams to materialize before my very eyes. Time to run like hell towards a goal. What goal? Sheesh...you got me but I'll think of something!