Less Naked More Better

Have you heard of Rabbi Shmuley? Kosher Sutra? I have not read his books but I have seen Rabbi Shmuley on The Today Show a few times and he intrigues me. This week I heard him talk about how women should remain mysterious for their husbands.

Read what his response is to the following question, taken from his website http://bit.ly/AArhO:
If women are such sexual beings, why are so many marriages lacking in sex?
Because too many husbands kill off their wives’ libidos by failing to focus on them, and too many wives allow their sexuality to atrophy by treating themselves as ordinary. Take the number of wives who will go to the bathroom in front of their husbands, or parade around the bedroom naked. After a while, their bodies lose their erotic magnetism. Couples dare not grow too familiar with each other. There has to be something off-limits, something forbidden, in order for it to remain erotic.

Now, there are several things that struck me here, the first being that wives treat themselves as ordinary and the second about parading around naked.

How do I treat myself as ordinary? By not enjoying my femininity. I have scoffed at those who take so much time doing their hair and prided myself in getting ready quickly, using minimal product, sporting a ponytail every day. I'm all for the natural, easy, not taking yourself so seriously look. How exciting is that? How about the jeans and t-shirt combos I tend to live in for comfort and practibility?

Do I parade around naked in the bedroom? Well, I wouldn't say parade, but...naked yes. Before I got married, I asked one of my married friends if she had any advice. She said, I wish I would have walked around naked more before I had kids because the body is never the same. I took that to heart!

After listening to the rabbi's interview, I dug through my drawers to find some long forgotten lingerie and wore it around the house. Without going into detail, can I just say "Wow"! First of all, I liked that I felt beautiful, sexy and mesmerizing. Secondly, I loved the animal it brought out in my husband.

Choices? I guess you could say deciding to wear more lingerie is a choice I will try to keep on making. The other choice that I made and have been doing well at keeping is trying to treat myself as more than ordinary. Don't get me wrong, I am not about to walk around looking like a southern belle all the time. But using some hair product and spending a few more minutes on getting ready in the morning is something I can do. Even on ordinary days, a coat of mascara and a dash of lip gloss make you feel good . Perhaps the Rabbi is right and if you treat yourself as more desirable, your husband will too.

My Love Language

In The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman the following emotional languages are described as being as different as English and Chinese. The goal is to learn which language you speak and the language your spouse speaks so that you can communicate love to your loved one in their own language so they understand that you love them.

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

I read Chapman's book years before I started dating my husband and I thought I had pinpointed my love language(s). Yes, I was a bit of a polyglot. Let's see, if memory serves me right I felt like I communicated love to others by speaking the language of Words of Affirmation and Quality Time and sometimes I spoke a little Physical Touch. I understood love when it was communicated to me in the language of Quality Time, Physical Touch and sometimes Words of Affirmation. Had it all figured out and then I got married...

Everyday I speak a different language and some days I understand no language. How confusing is that? The one language that is pretty constant is Quality Time. My husband and I both have that language in common. Quality Time for us doesn't have to be complicated. Simply being together suits us fine. Reading our respective books, watching a movie or show, driving along a country road, no words are needed most of the time. Physical Touch? We speak it at different times. Then we speak it together. I love it when I speak it but if it's one of those days when I don't speak it, I resent it. Not fair, I know.

So what does this have to do with choices? My gut tells me my choice should be to speak as many languages as possible every single day. My humanity lets me know that it is probably impossible to do so. So, my actual choice is to be more aware of the language that my husband is speaking and strive to understand it and speak it back. Bottom line is that I love him. He annoys me but I love him. He frustrates me but I love him. He angers me but I love him. He makes me cry, he makes me laugh. He loves me even when I annoy, frustrate and anger him. We may not communicate it all the time but me mangage to make up for it when we do.

The Devil Wears Prada. Trailer

A little taste for those of you who haven't seen the movie. A little reminder for those of you who have.

Choice Two

So, choice one was semi-successful. Grocery shopping was done, but the list I made for the menu I planned was forgotten at home. If I was paid for every time I forgot something I would be incredibly rich. I managed to remember most of the ingredients I needed and brought home some delicious and healthy food for my refrigerator and pantry.

Choice Two

After rewatching The Devil Wears Prada, I felt the same feelings as I felt the first time I saw it. Jealous and inspired at the same time. When Anne Hathaways character gets her makeover and starts dressing in those fantastic clothes...WOW!

There have been a few times in my life when I stepped out the door of my house knowing that I looked fantastic. The other times happen way too often. You know the feeling when you are getting ready for work in the morning and half of your closet ends up thrown around your room. You try on one thing after another and nothing feels right. Either it doesn't go with the weather or you don't have the right shoes. Maybe it's just your hair that won't go and you walk out the door not ready to take on the day, let alone the world. I hate those days, and yet I do nothing to guarantee they won't happen.

My shopping has never been a well thought out plan, I shop for bargains and occasions. I shop out of desperation. I drag my husband along with me because I would never subject my friends to my groans of frustration and aimless hours of wandering through clearance racks and dressing rooms. My husband is patient and loving, but he hates these shopping trips.

So when I see Andy Sachs being dressed FOR FREE in gorgeously coordinated designer outfits, I am jealous. When I see her walking confidently down the street in her Chanel boots, I am inspired. The problem is Patricia Fields dressed her. I do not have a Patricia Fields in my life. The other problem is that the budget of $100,000 for clothing in the movie was supplemented by connections in the industry bringing the total value of clothing in the movie to $1 million. I have neither the budget nor the friends in the industry. What's a girl to do?

So here we come to choice two. Splurge on a good haircut. There is nothing like feeling confident about your hair. You can have a great outfit ruined by bad hair but great hair can make the outfit. This Friday, I visited Patrick Danek for choice two. Not only does he work magic with his scissors, he lays out what product you should use and how you should style your hair for every day and otherwise--LOVE him! I left his salon smiling, confident and ready to take on the day and the world!

The wardrobe situation will be handled later. For now, I will do good to make sure the options that I do have are clean and maybe laid-out the night before.